by Kalakantha Dasa
You, like me, may have found some of Srila Prabhupada’s statements about women “tough.” Yet I accept them, as do my numerous female and male devotee colleagues. How do we reconcile these apparently sexist statements with our spiritual lives?
There are, of course, philosophical points:
1. The Bhagavad-gita explains that we are all eternal souls inside temporary bodies, and to think of ourselves as “male,” “female,” “black,” “white,” or any other physical designation is illusory.
2. In this age of Kali, men and women alike lack qualifications for spiritual life, yet all are eligible for the exceptional kindness of Lord Caitanya.
3. A devotee of Lord Krishna is above any kind of bodily designation. Anyone can make the bright choice of pursuing spiritual life. Thus Srila Prabhupada’s statements about “less intelligent” do not apply to women, workers, or anyone else pursuing spiritual life.
Even if you know all this, you may not know how to apply it. Here’s how I’ve reconciled Prabhupada’s statements on women with the practical realities of my life.
In my Hare Krishna career I spent ten years as a brahmachari, during which I rarely spoke to women. Among certain peers there was a sardonic anti-women esprit de corps based on a juvenile understanding of Prabhupada’s “tough statements.”
At the time I was young and oblivious—though I did notice that many of the more anti-women brahmacharis were the first to marry. A few years later I got married too, and I quickly realized how advanced women devotees had to be. Whereas we men could easily indulge our egos, these blunt statements from scripture and guru weeded out the less intelligent women, leaving only those women truly serious about self-realization. Fortunately, my good wife Jitamitra was such a person.
It took some years for my male ego to subside enough to realize how differently our minds work and how valuable Jitamitra is as a partner. Her intuitions often prove right. She observes me with invaluable critical perspectives. She has developed an exemplary taste for hearing, chanting, and serving Krishna's Deity. She has become my best friend and partner, and we have shared a wonderful twenty-five years.
Prabhupada’s ideal of a Vedic woman is a chaste, domestic wife. She spends most of her life serving Krishna by maintaining a templelike atmosphere in the home, assisting a religious husband, and raising God-conscious children. So valued is her role that she never has to work outside the home; her husband, and later, her elder son, always support and provide for her.
Early in our marriage, we decided to apply this ideal as best we could by planning for Jitamitra to be a stay-at-home mom. We lived simply, and for many years Jitamitra home-schooled our kids. This seemed extremely natural and best for all concerned.
However, our children want something else. Our smart and personable son is grown and married to a career woman. Our two daughters, talented and beautiful, are now almost grown; neither seems likely to be content raising children at home.
We love our children and we’re proud of them; at the same time we marvel at the strength of the culture and tradition in many families, particularly Indian families, who have so much more momentum than ours. It seems much easier for the daughters of such families to embrace the Vedic economic and family structure we chose in our own lives.
In any case, we’ve supported our daughters’ desires to get an education and be prepared to fend for themselves. That doesn’t in the least affect my conviction that most—not all, but most—women would be happiest at home, respected and protected as mothers. We sincerely hope that our daughters will enjoy that future, but these days it seems prudent to give them options. Perhaps they will find religious, capable husbands who will respect and provide for them. Such men are, unfortunately, increasingly rare.
Having raised children with an uncertain future, how does Jita feel about her sacrifice? How does she feel about having few marketable skills and an empty nest? It makes her uncomfortable; it’s a sort of late-term identity crisis. Jita has chosen to fill her time by helping care for our son’s child, pursuing hobbies such as Deity sewing, and taking a responsible temple service. Other friends in her situation have taken jobs or entered college, some earning advanced degrees. I will support her whether she now chooses the Vedic model of a simpler, more spiritual retirement or the Western way of education and a new career.
In addition to my family, over the years I have worked on Krishna conscious projects with many women—sometimes as a supervisor and sometimes as a subordinate. I can summarize my experiences with this: these women have as many of the same human strengths and frailties as men.
After all of this, how do I feel about Srila Prabhupada’s analysis of the modern phenomenon of “women's liberation”—that it is a plot by exploitive men? It strikes me as extremely insightful. Today, women foolishly allow men to enjoy them physically without committing to marriage. Even men who marry often urge their wives to work and earn money at the obvious expense of the children’s wellbeing.
In terms of the applied Vedic ideal, I believe everyone is better off giving up a high-expense, high-pressure lifestyle to have mom stay with the kids and turn the home into a peaceful, blissful temple of Krishna.
Living simply and saving time for Krishna consciousness: this is, to me, what Srila Prabhupada's “tough statements” on women are all about. In my experience it is a much happier life. I pray my daughters—and anyone else who can—will make the intelligent choice.